Hodge Podge

In the last 24 hours I have:
--Been accused of clothing a cement goose on someone else's front step. Who DOES that?
--Falsely accused Albert Einstein of inventing the light bulb
--Attempted to mix dry pudding mix with cool whip...oops, that isn't what the recipe SAID to do! (don't try it, it doesn't work)
--Been completely shunned by a certain foster cat.
--Been lathered in Old Spice. I hate that stuff. Maybe next time I won't taunt Craig...or maybe I'll get rid of the stinky stuff...
--Got lost at Wal-Mart. No kidding they re-arranged the WHOLE store. Now I can find nothing.
--Checked my e-mail at least 20 times in anticipation of becoming the Publisher's Clearing House's next millionaire
--Cried over a chocolate chip cookie and coffee with a friend. Seriously, one minute we were laughing and then next thing I knew I was overwhelmed and had tears running down my cheeks. Sheesh!
--Doubled my dose of Vitamin "C"...a scary venture all in itsself.
--Helped a lost little girl find her mother.
--Have had a non-stop buzzing in my left ear similar to the sound a fluorescent bulb makes when you're way too close. Darn Meniere's. Someday it will get better...it HAS too!
--Listened with sadness as a friend poured out her breaking heart.
--Found someone to got to Confessions of A Shopaholic with me. Yeah!
--Repeated the Casting Crown's sont "The Voice of Truth" over and over in my head and wonder why I don't get out of the boat a little more.

Here is a link to the words to that song...something to chew on....
http://la-chute-gracieuse.xanga.com/116321981/item

Thoughts

Just some thoughts.
1. People shouldn't say mean and judgemental things. It makes people (like Me) not like you much. I am not always, but CAN be a little sensitive, but I'll never tell you that to your face--I'll just write about it on my blog. I wish I could be more direct at times.
2. Our driveway looks like a used car lot. Basically because it is. Currently 2 cars and a motorcycle for sale. What is this? How did we get here?
3. I love Craig. He is so patient with me when I say I want to go to bed early and then stay up an blog. Plus, he is cute..and he is going to clean out the rabbit cage tonight--I think.
4. Secret number 5 is still a secret. It's kind of fun watching people wonder.
5. I spent an hour cleaning a car that we're selling while the CR-V is in need of a good scrubbing--why??
6. I have developed a strong liking for Almonds. They are so yummy.
7. We have cancelled any thought of a family vacation this year. We're spending the time at home. It will be nice--and a lot less stressful.
8. The Iowa State Fair is less than 5 months away. I can't believe that I'm starting to get excited already. Bring on the funnel cakes (glazed, of course), guinea grinder, and turkey drumstick. I must be getting old because I even want to watch some livestock shows.
9. I am going crazy. I ALWAYS pay off my credit card on time at the end of each month, but somehow last month I did not and got charged like $140 in fees. Believe me Citi heard from me and graciously refunded the charges. Thank you, Simon, at Citi. You're my new BFF.
10. I have stewed over what kind of jell-o salad to make for a meal Sunday evening for 4 days now. I still have no idea. I'm thinking a bowl of strawberry jell-o will do. Just plain jell-o. Why not?
That's it. I'm out of thoughts. Thanks for listening. Good night.

The Lilly

The Lilly

by Ellen Brennemann

We can't know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom

in the warmth of sunlights kiss upon its face,

before it folds its fragrance in and bids the world goodnight

to rest its beauty in a gentler place.

But we know that nothing that is loved is ever lost

and no one who ever touches a heart can really pass away,

because some beauty lingers on in each special memory

of which they've been a part.

Today I found myself filled with sadness again. It is amazing how grief strikes you in waves, isn't it? I will have several good days and feel like I'm dealing with all the thoughts and emotions and then I smell a certain smell or hear a certain sound or think a certain thought and I'm right back in the middle of the confusion, the hurt, and the missing Kim. As I was folding laundry this morning I thought of Kim...perhaps because I was in Omaha the last time I really did laundry--scary, I know. (Truly we were not wearing dirty clothes, we just have a lot of them!) My mind took me back to a time long ago when someone else I knew passed away young. This poem was on the card I sent to his wife and it always struck me as beautiful, so I thought I'd share.

Honestly when this hit me today I thought "Oh God, not today, I have too much to do!!" I need to go see our insurance agent to get our new car covered, I need to call the cat vet to get the ball in motion again for him to be "deported," I need to finish these 5 loads of laundry, I need to do some baking and cooking, I need to clean my house, and I would like to spend some time relaxing, too! But first, I need to spend some time with my Bible and with God.

Do vs. Wish

We had such a nice weekend with Craig's parents. It felt so good to be together. Now it is Monday and as I am reflecting back on the past 4 days I keep thinking. Maybe too much. We kept busy, we talked about happy memories of Kim, we played the Farming Game (beginner's luck caused me to lose to the 2 newbies), we shopped, walked, laughed, loved, cried, and started thinking. This is the way life is now. A reality I wish wasn't so. If only it were as simple as making wishes. Wishes that Kimmi was still here. Wishes that more could have been done to restore her. Wishes that she had been born healthy. Wishes that this all didn't hurt so much. Wishes...
On the other hand, my selfish wishes would be disaster. They would mean that I, not God, was in control. I can't even consistently keep my house clean--how would I manage all of these difficult things? I know that if I could have any wish I wanted come true at any time, life would not be anything like it is today. Madison is such an important, beautiful, rewarding part of my life that I would not now trade for anything, but the difficulties that were imposed upon Craig and I during the early days of our marriage would certainly have been wished away. It would have been easier and felt better in the moment to not have to deal with all of the hurt and frustration but in retrospect it all made our relationship even better than we could have imagined. What would I have wished away?
I guess where I am going with this is that I need to stop. Stop the wishes, stop the need to know, stop the fighting against what God has planned and just surrender once again. Surrender the need to understand and control back to God's plan. He knows what is best for me and will continue to reveal His plan in His time...not mine. All I need to do is surrender. Finally...something that I can DO and trust in instead of WISH and wonder.

What a fun couple of days. My weekend of fun started on Thursday when I went to Cedar Falls to see Jen. What a great day. We didn't do much--ate lunch (at a restaurant where they will place your forks in the proper place if you don't get it right :)), went for a walk, sat around and talked, and went out to eat with her beautiful daughter, Cheyenne. It was wonderful. I've missed her so much! I got home just in time to throw the clean sheets on the guest bed, tidy up a bit, and run the vacuum over the carpets as Craig's parents came later in the evening.
On Friday Craig, his parents, Maddie and I went to Chicago for the day. We enjoyed the downtown area, took Madison to American Girl Place where we senselessly bought her doll (our "grandchild") a new outfit and a new bedding set. When we left the store 1 1/2 hours later and $60 poorer we walked out by the lake and froze! It was sooo cold. Once we left the downtown area we went to IKEA ;) , out for dinner, and home. It was a nice trip.
This morning (Saturday) Craig pulled me aside and asked what my thoughts were on buying a new car. After coming to again and removing the ice pack from my head I realized that he was serious. We spent the afternoon at the Honda and Toyota dealerships. The deals right now are incredible! We didn't buy anything, but decided that the '09 Corolla is what most closely meets our needs right now. Maybe Monday....
Now we have a chicken in the oven and will make some cupcakes and salads tonight to take to a potluck at my sister's tomorrow for my cousin's baby shower.
What a fun-filled, family-filled, travel filled weekend.

Day away

Today I am going to treat myself. I am going to drive to see my best friend from "home." Jen and I grew up together--elementary, Jr High, and Highschool. After highschool we kind of drifted apart, but we have one of those friendships that, when we see eachother, time and distance fade away and we find ourselves as the same old good friends from long ago. I haven't seen her now for about 4 years--can that be right? (Shame on me!) I have no idea what we are going to do, but I know that it will involve a good long catch-up time.
I have so many other things that I should be doing today. Craig's parents are coming for the long weekend and should arrive around 10 tonight with Maddie. I am so looking forward to spending some time with them without the stress of hanging out in the hospital or planning for arrangements. We've got some fun stuff planned. My house is not at all in the shape that I would like it to be in for company, but in my defense I have not been here much! I will at least throw some clean sheets on the guest bed and do a courtesy clean up of the new coughed up hairball (thanks, kitty) that I found this morning.
So much to look forward to...so little time!
I am so thankful that I finally made it through my work week and am now in my 7 day off stretch. Ahhh. Life is good...

Vacation me please!!

I need a vacation. I want to go somewhere warm, feel the sand between my (in need of a good pedicure) toes, to feel the sun warm my (in need of a good tan) pale skin and to feel the vibrance of a tropical sunset.
We've planned on a vacation this summer with Madison--going to DC to see some of the national landmarks--but I'm just not feeling it. Everything seems to have changed now. I don't want to go somewhere and dash from place to place trying to defy land speed records and take in as many tourist traps as possible. I want to spend time with my family. Connecting. Appreciating. Relaxing. Laughing. Loving. Making memories that matter.
What to do. Where to go. How much to spend. Fly or drive. Maybe the destination doesn't matter so much, afterall, to make it real. It just takes the love of my life and husband, (they ARE the same person, you know!), my Maddie, and me. Family together. Maybe we can have a vacation next weekend. Right here. At home...