Changes!

I'm going to brag about my husband for a bit. Last September, Craig submitted a resume for consideration to appointed to a competative developement fellow position. We patiently waited for months as the applications were reviewed, and got excited when he was awarded an interview with a panel of "uppity ups" in Washington D.C. a few weeks ago. The interview went very well despite the fact that he literally had to run across a field to make it there on time after his rental car wouldn't start that morning. A week later, we learned that he had been selected! This is truly an honor and we are so excited that his career is taking this direction .

There are lots of unknowns yet about how this will all play out and that causes me a little anxiety, but we do know that the new position starts with orientation in Huntsville, Alabama on February 19. Initially, Lauren and I were going to go with him to Alabama, but decided against. Lauren does not transition well to travel/changes in sleeping habits, and Craig will not likely have much down time that we can spend with him anyway, so L and I are going to stay home. Craig has to phase out of his current position, which is bittersweet. His team is truly like a family to us...they have been wonderful for him to work for and so, so, so kind to us when we were having complications with our pregnancy. It is hard to leave such great people, but the the opportunties that await are amazing.

We also know that the program itsself is 3 years in length, divided into two 15 month segments in the Detroit area and a 6 month stint in DC working either at the Pentagon or the Taylor Building. After completion, the type of jobs he will be qualified for will be again in the Detroit area, so we won't be moving (aside from the temporary relo to DC)--which is a h.u.g.e. relief!

Even though I am super excited for Craig (and me, too!) I am not liking the unknown of when we'll be where. I'm tinkering with returning to work casually, but that is off of the table until more information is available. I want to enroll Lauren in an infant swim course, but can't commit to the time frame at this point. So hard to be in a little limbo.

In the meantime, we're praising the Lord for the opportunity and trying to turn the anxiety over to Him, too. It's all good...just a little scary!

Things

I never intended to let my blog go for so long. Days are filled with meals, diaper changes, Story Time (library), MOPS, playing, clean-up, and naps. Evenings are family time, and by the time the little one drifts off to sleep there is nothing left in me. Except tonight...Craig was off today and we had a quiet day around the house tag-teaming for the care of our sweet girl.

The last few months have been very good. We made a quick trip back to Iowa when our plans fell through to have Maddie come here for Thanksgiving. It was nice to be with family, but not so great to spend 10 hours in the car each way to get there and back. Lauren is a fantastic traveler and we only had to stop ONCE on the way home--can I get an AMEN!?!?! Still, it is a brutal drive. By the time we got home we hand 1.5 weeks before returning to Iowa for Christmas...just enough time to get my girl a little less clingy and unspoiled after constant attention was paid to her over Thanksgiving. Lauren and I flew there for Christmas and Craig drove out to meet us a little later. Flying was...well...interesting, but I care not to do a solo flight with her until she is a little older (and can sit still). I was a little overwhelmed with the amount of baggage we had for 3 weeks away from home. A very large checked suitcase, a car seat, medium stroller, stuffed-to-the-brim carry-on, and a diaper bag. It was a little tricky to make sure I had the right things in places where I could get to them, but overall people were very helpful. It is amazing how nice people are to a baby. And to the mom of a baby. Delta gave me....um, her...an extra package of cookies, people offered to stow and retrieve my carry-on for me, the lady behind and to the right on the plane made faces to entertain Lauren, and best of all my fam was waiting on the other end to relieve my burdened arms of their contents (namely, the girl).

A week before we left I caught a massive head cold, which was miserable. I took Sudafed religiously but I can't say it really helped. When I arrived on "vacation" I was really worn down. The combination of the stress and cold settling in my ears caused me to be sick with Meniere's type symptoms for about a week. Not.fun. My "bad" ear is still ringing louder than usual and I feel forced to watch my sodium intake closer than ever. =(

All in all, it was a good time, though. We got to go to my cousin's wedding and see a ton of extended family there. 6/7ths of the new Nieuwsma babies were there so it was especially fun to meet them. We also had a great time in Omaha the week between Christmas and New Years with Craig's family. We spent NYE in the Quad Cities with our good friends Tim and Molly, which was wonderful. The trip back was delayed by a snow storm near Kalamazoo that slowed us down by about 3 hours. :(

It is so nice to be home in Michigan again. It made me realize how much this house and area really feels like home now to me. As after any trip it took us about a week to get back in our routine with Lauren. She really misses having her entourage of people at her disposal!

Lauren is changing so much right now. She started crawling just after Christmas and is unstoppable. The four teeth that she has are 2 bottom center and 2 outside top. It makes for a funny smile but we love it! She is really into books, music, and blocks and loves to cuddle with Mommy! Nothing, though, is more precious to her than food. She will eat ANYTHING...which is a relief to me. There is not room in this house for more than one picky eater and Craig has informed me that he has little intention of changing! She is starting to look more and more like a little girl and less like a baby, which is bittersweet. Such a sweet girl.

Craig and I were just talking tonight about how a year ago things were so uncertain. I was on week 4 of strict bedrest and scared that I would either go crazy (I did, it's true), or bring our little miracle into the world too soon (I did not). In retrospect it is amazing to see how everything worked out so perfectly, although at the time it was not felt. We are so grateful that God allowed us to carry to term. That experience as well as our short time with CJ, have taught me to appreciate every moment because each truly is a gift. My motto in all things is to be thankful. I never in a million years thought I would be nearly laughing outloud as I scrubbed sweet potatoes off of the fabric blinds this week, but I am so happy to be a mom that it was almost a joy. Almost. The journey to get here was brutal at times, but it has made this place in our lives even sweeter.

Well, I need to get some sleep. Even though I am spoiled with a 9 month old that sleeps between 12-13 hours per night, she has already been down for 3 and I'm looking forward to a little extra snooze and going to Church in the morning.

Thanks for checking in!
~M

Sticky hands.

I love the way she giggles at random things. A sneeze. A hiccup. A toy that surprises her. I love the way she drops everything and throws her arms up in a plea to be picked up whenever she sees me. I love the pucker that takes over her face when she eats fruit. I love how singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" will turn her fiercest cry into contentedness and how she grabs the newspapers and shakes them wildly when I am sorting the mail. I love the way her sticky hands fly a million miles a minute when I try to wipe them, and how she uses those same hands to yank handfuls of hair from my scalp. Kind of. Let me explain.

When I was carrying Lauren there were so many worries. I tease that she is such a good sleeper now because I never let her sleep for any length of time at all when I was pregnant with her--just making up for sleep lost! If it had been very long since I felt her move I would start poking here and there at my belly to get a little kick or movement. I lived on a continuum of "what if's" followed by appointments assuring that all was fine, followed by what if's again.

I wanted to do everything right. With CJ I learned that doing everything right isn't always enough, and that left me in a very scary place. I knew that things were out of my control, so I trusted it to the One who was orchestrating the show, but still I was filled with anxiety--which was a new (and horrible) feeling for me. It was like my heart knew that everything would be ok, but my head would not stop the static that let me dwell on what my heart was saying.

When I reflect on these feelings I am even more grateful for the girl I hold in my arms tonight for I have learned how fragile and precious life is through the lives of my children...through the death of one and the birth of the other.

I love my little Lauren. Hair pulling and all.

My Mom has been in town. Then I went to her town...er...country. Now she is back in my town, but will be leaving to go back to her country next week. All in all we have spent the last 5 weeks together. It has been nice and I don't want it to end but we have made it count. I think.

We spent one day canning meat. There is nothing like some home canned Iowa beef in some stew, noodles, or as a bbq sandwich on a cold winter day...or a warm fall day for that matter. Anyone who comes to visit us will probably get a taste in some form. (Insert sense of bribery here.) D.Lish.Us.

For those of you who have been to our house, you may remember the window treatments in the master bathroom. IF you received the grand tour, that is, or else randomly wandered in there. They consisted of some shears haphazardly tucked into the mounting hooks for the bamboo shades. Horrifying. What is worse? The view from outside. We discovered this week that the bamboo shades are c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y. transparent. TRANSPARENT. Completely. As are the shears, as are the walls in our shower. We had too much going on to fix the problem the next day, so Craig showered in the dark while I stopped showering completely. I don't know why it did not occur to me until this very moment to use the upstairs shower. Home Depot has these nifty window clings that make the windows look like etched glass that we applied and they don't look too bad. We left the worthless bamboo shades in place only because they don't look too bad and are putting up a swag curtain tomorrow. What must the neighbors think? I'm not sure, but that is probably for the best. Sigh.

Little L is growing like crazy. She is now rolling from back to tummy. I am sure that she CAN roll from tummy to back, too, but there is no need when Grandma is here...all she has to do is squawk a little. =) She is sitting up and really interacting a lot more. (L, that is, not Grandma. Well, Grandma is too, but that's beside the point) We have spent countless moments picking out the perfect toys to both entertain and educate and she has chosen a paper coffee cup from a hotel as her current favorite, with a newspaper as a close second. She sleeps well, plays well, and eats well. This girl loves to eat. Anything. Whenever we have any food anywhere near her she is always trying to bum a bite. So far we haven't found anything that she doesn't care for, which is good...and a little bad. She giggles when you pretend to eat her tummy, won't smile for a camera for anything, and l.o.v.e.s. her grandma. I don't know what we ever did without this little girl. She is a heart melter.

I'm tired. I know this isn't much, but blogging is always more a dream than a reality these days. Obviously. I'm still hoping that some day I'll be able to catch up, but for now, here are a few more of the things that we have been up to in our time with mom:

Informational knee-replacement meeting, Volleyball games, Wii tournaments (Carnival Golf, Party Games 3), trying new recipes, sleeping in, Ikea, Date night with C, Chocolate, Thrifting, Garage Sales, Christmas gift making, 6 month baby pics, Sushi, Caffeine Free Diet Dew by the 2 liter, Cooking with my new pressure pan (LOVE!), Sorting, cleaning, and playing, playing, playing with a baby girl.

That's it. 'Nite all!
~M

Questions

Parenthood has raised some questions in my mind. Most of them are ones that I would never ask a person face to face. That is the beauty of the internet...you can ask questions to no one. And everyone. All at once. Sa-weet!

• Why do I sometimes wish that my daughter would take a nap and then wish that she would wake up as soon as she falls asleep so that we could play some more?


• Does changing one's diaper immediately create the urge for one to fill it?


• How much does the average family spend on batteries for toys and where do we fall in that range?


• How come cute outfits only last a short while before catastrophe strikes but ugly ones can be worn for days?


• Why must diaper companies characterize their diapers? Do you really think that my girl (or I) cares that she has Mickey on her duds? I don't care much for the character ones but am not willing to pay more for fewer quantity of the Pampers Prints which ARE cute.


• Speaking of diapers, do you know that we have already gone through about 500 of them? (sigh)


• Do all old ladies in Michigan grocery shop at Kroger on Thursday mornings? They do here, and so do I because they are sooooo nice. (and I don't know many people here yet.)


• Does anyone else's husband read landscaping supply catalogs from cover to cover? (sigh again)


• Is it possible that after a year of searching and visiting a myriad of churches we may have finally found what we've been looking for? Yessssss!


• Why does my girl hate tummy time so much?


• Is it true that little L has us so in love with her that we daily trash our own house with toys, books, and random amusements?


• Why does baby's rice cereal look so good to me?


• Is it normal that rice cereal looks good?


• Does everyone stop watering their plants when they have a baby? My peace lily no longer looks peaceful or lili-ish.


• Will I ever sleep through the night again? Just because baby does, doesn't mean Mama can.


• Does anyone know where baby's missing pink pacifier or 4 oz bottle are? (I know you have one paci, mom, but there is another that is awol)


• How do you slow down the clock? Time goes entirely too fast.


• What did we ever do before Little L?

A year ago is etched out in my mind as a day I will never forget. A day where the pendulum of emotion nearly did a full circle instead of a back-and-forth motion. We were in the midst of our moving fiasco. The Mayflower had descended on the driveway to our new house just a few days before and unloaded what seemed like (and maybe really was) millions of boxes everywhere. Craig was gone to work while Maddie and I had a load of errands to run.
The first stop was at the lab with a requisition for some blood tests in hand. It was already warm if not hot outside when we arrived at the clinic. After checking in we found a seat. Maddie buried her nose in her book (imagine that!) while I thumbed through a magazine. FOX news was giving a rundown of the breaking headlines on a tv not too far away. I was drawn into the story of a rescue effort in the Grand Tetons where a group of climbers had met a horrific storm along their quest for the summit. 16 climbers had been rescued via helicopter the day before with various injuries and the search continued for one last climber who, as they reported, could not be located. Something moved within me. A sickening feeling had found my gut and I felt led to pray for the missing climber and their family. I encouraged Maddie, who had become inquisitive about the story, to do the same.
This had become common practice in the last few months. I was still bearing the fresh wounds of loss. It was just 4 months prior that Christopher was born into heaven. My dad hadn't been gone even a year then. Kimmi had been gone just a little over a year. Someones child was in danger while all his parents could do is wait to see what happened next. I remembered those feelings of helplessness that I faced in the hospital while waiting to see if by some small miracle we would get to keep our son, knowing that another parent somewhere was likely experiencing a similar scenario. My mother's heart was connecting.
The lab tech interrupted my thoughts, did my labs, and sent us on our way. We barely made it to Target before my phone rang. Daryl and Chris on the caller ID. I don't usually refer to my parents by name, but programmed my phone to do so so that I didn't have to scroll all the way down to the "M's" to call Mom. After Dad died I never changed it and now probably never will. I like seeing his name and something seems a little too final about taking it off. I still have Kimmi's long-since disconnected number in my phone, too. Anyway...Mom is not very good at hiding it when something is bothering her. Her voice was shaky as she tried unsuccessfully to small-talk. Finally she got down the the reason for her call. "Your cousin Brandon is missing. He was on a climbing trip in the Tetons...." It connected instantly. Tears of concern (to say the least) worked their way to the surface. Our conversation was short and after we hung up I told Maddie about it and called Craig. On the way home we prayed for Uncle Bob, Aunt Linda, and Brandon's siblings as they faced the unknown, as well as for Brandon that he would be found safe and quickly.
As I pulled into the driveway, glad to be home, the phone rang again. It was my doctor's office. "Congratulations! You're pregnant!" And there went the fruit basket. A quick phone call was made to Craig giving him a coded message (Maddie's ears are never far away when she's with us!) about our good news. I recall feeling so bad for Madison. She is such a tenderhearted girl and was hurting over the situation surrounding Brandon, but I could not share my great news with her yet...I was only 16 days along. As I pulled the car in the garage another issue surfaced and provided a needed distraction. Our pet rabbit, Dixie, was looking a little not so healthy.
In record time I had called Craig, found a vet that treats rabbits in the area, and returned to the garage where Dixie's cage was temporarily set up. There I found very confused Maddie and a rabbit that was now seizing. Wonderful. I think that it is safe to say that I was in some level of shock then. I explained to Maddie that Dixie was probably dying. We talked about how she looked comfortable, and we wished that we could help her, but the best thing that we could do for her then was to love her, talk to her, and pet her until she was gone. Craig really wanted me to still take her to the vet, but there is a limit to what I will and will not do. Not to sound cruel, but I will not scoop up a not-in-pain appearing 8 year old rabbit with a 6 year life expectancy mid seizure and drive around the suburbs of Detroit looking for the bunny vet. Not gonna happen. Luckily she went pretty quickly, but it didn't necessarily ease the process of explaining the death process to an already upset child. We were able to get a good laugh in, though, when I called the vet's office to cancel our appointment and they offered their "deepest condolences on the loss of our special dog."
I spent quite a bit of time in the basement that afternoon. Our wireless internet was not working just yet and the only way I could get online was to hardwire in. I checked my e-mail constantly waiting for an update from the family, and continuously browsed news websites for any information that would tell me that Brandon had been found and was OK. Eventually the call came. Brandon's body was found 3,000 feet below where he had last been seen. In a split second with a clap of thunder the Lord had whispered "Come with me." Just as he did to dad and to Christopher.
My heart wrenched and my body shook with the news. Several thoughts and none at all were surging through my head at the seeming senselessness of it all. Some people get mad at God when tragedy of this magnitude strikes, especially repetitively, but I can't. God's perfect plan for this world didn't include pain, separation, I was sick of it. I get it. People die and we're separated from them, but I was just tired of hurting and seeing people that I love hurt.
That night was a somber one at our house. We buried Dixie under a tree in the back yard (our first whole-family time spent in the yard while the neighbors watched, mind you). We cried and didn't have much of an appetite for dinner, but mostly we talked, and appreciated more the time that we have together. And we prayed, thanking God for Brandon's life and the little life that had taken root under my heart. The life that we we now know as our little miracle, Lauren.
I miss Brandon. I wish that I had known him better. One of my favorite memories of him is at a family reunion once when him and his dad were singing some song about the King of the Jungle and Brandon was dancing wildly while doing the actions. I miss his high-energy enthusiasm.

Sports Illustrated published an article about the climb that Brandon was on when his accident occurred. Here's a link for anyone who may be interested: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1188183/6/index.htm

My Vacation--in simple terms.

Seven States in a week. (MI, IN, IL, IA, NE, KS, MO)
Family Family Family.
Reconnecting with friends.
Baby off schedule big time.
Sleeping in.
Good old Iowa Tenderloin.
Spoiling of a baby girl.
Ice Cream.
Sketchy cell service.
Sushi.
Ponytails.
Meaningful conversations.
Lots of cuddle time with my girl.
Successful parade experience.
Over indulging on the taste of "home."
New jewelery. =)
AE Skim Chocolate Milk.
Surrounded by growing crops.
Casey's General store (and pizza).
Slip N Slide (only an observer, though!)
Baby shower.
Caffeine Free Diet Mountain Dew in 2 liters/20 oz bottles.
Shopping.
Relaxing.
Pella Bologna.
Menards.
Fireworks.
Gravel Roads.
Head cold.
Sunglasses.
Hair frizzy from humidity.
Good sleep.
So much fun.