God is always working to make His children aware of a dream
that remains alive beneath the rubble of every shattered dream,

a new dream that
when realized will release a new song, sung with tears,

till God wipes them away
and we sing with nothing but joy in our hearts

--Larry Crabb

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Random Tears

It has been a while since I've posted and even now I am really struggling to put my thoughts into words. Things have really been tough lately. Emotions are very close to the surface and tears seem to fall at the most random of times. There are so many thoughts in my head fighting for a place in the front of my mind. Fatigue and tiredness consumes me by day, but sleep evades me by night. The holidays are upon us and what used to be greatly anticipated is now met with uncertainty.
This is the first time ever in my life that it seems that more is going wrong than going right. I know that good things are happening and know that I am so blessed, but they are clouded by all the cold realities of my life. Kimmi and Dad are gone. Christmas will be here in 2 1/2 weeks. Our relationship with Madison is becoming more long distant. My job has left me feeling burnt out. It all--and then some--is true and there is not a darn thing that I can do about any of it so I must simply trust.
Trust that this all makes sense to God, becuase it certainly does not to me. Trust that He will see me through to a life that seems normal again. Life has forever changed in many ways, but will somehow find a new normal. Trust that my mind will again start to focus on what is important. Trust that my heart will somehow stop hurting so much. And trust that one of these times there will be a few less random tears.