God is always working to make His children aware of a dream
that remains alive beneath the rubble of every shattered dream,

a new dream that
when realized will release a new song, sung with tears,

till God wipes them away
and we sing with nothing but joy in our hearts

--Larry Crabb

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Hodge Podge

In the last 24 hours I have:
--Been accused of clothing a cement goose on someone else's front step. Who DOES that?
--Falsely accused Albert Einstein of inventing the light bulb
--Attempted to mix dry pudding mix with cool whip...oops, that isn't what the recipe SAID to do! (don't try it, it doesn't work)
--Been completely shunned by a certain foster cat.
--Been lathered in Old Spice. I hate that stuff. Maybe next time I won't taunt Craig...or maybe I'll get rid of the stinky stuff...
--Got lost at Wal-Mart. No kidding they re-arranged the WHOLE store. Now I can find nothing.
--Checked my e-mail at least 20 times in anticipation of becoming the Publisher's Clearing House's next millionaire
--Cried over a chocolate chip cookie and coffee with a friend. Seriously, one minute we were laughing and then next thing I knew I was overwhelmed and had tears running down my cheeks. Sheesh!
--Doubled my dose of Vitamin "C"...a scary venture all in itsself.
--Helped a lost little girl find her mother.
--Have had a non-stop buzzing in my left ear similar to the sound a fluorescent bulb makes when you're way too close. Darn Meniere's. Someday it will get better...it HAS too!
--Listened with sadness as a friend poured out her breaking heart.
--Found someone to got to Confessions of A Shopaholic with me. Yeah!
--Repeated the Casting Crown's sont "The Voice of Truth" over and over in my head and wonder why I don't get out of the boat a little more.

Here is a link to the words to that song...something to chew on....

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Just some thoughts.
1. People shouldn't say mean and judgemental things. It makes people (like Me) not like you much. I am not always, but CAN be a little sensitive, but I'll never tell you that to your face--I'll just write about it on my blog. I wish I could be more direct at times.
2. Our driveway looks like a used car lot. Basically because it is. Currently 2 cars and a motorcycle for sale. What is this? How did we get here?
3. I love Craig. He is so patient with me when I say I want to go to bed early and then stay up an blog. Plus, he is cute..and he is going to clean out the rabbit cage tonight--I think.
4. Secret number 5 is still a secret. It's kind of fun watching people wonder.
5. I spent an hour cleaning a car that we're selling while the CR-V is in need of a good scrubbing--why??
6. I have developed a strong liking for Almonds. They are so yummy.
7. We have cancelled any thought of a family vacation this year. We're spending the time at home. It will be nice--and a lot less stressful.
8. The Iowa State Fair is less than 5 months away. I can't believe that I'm starting to get excited already. Bring on the funnel cakes (glazed, of course), guinea grinder, and turkey drumstick. I must be getting old because I even want to watch some livestock shows.
9. I am going crazy. I ALWAYS pay off my credit card on time at the end of each month, but somehow last month I did not and got charged like $140 in fees. Believe me Citi heard from me and graciously refunded the charges. Thank you, Simon, at Citi. You're my new BFF.
10. I have stewed over what kind of jell-o salad to make for a meal Sunday evening for 4 days now. I still have no idea. I'm thinking a bowl of strawberry jell-o will do. Just plain jell-o. Why not?
That's it. I'm out of thoughts. Thanks for listening. Good night.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Lilly

The Lilly

by Ellen Brennemann

We can't know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom
in the warmth of sunlights kiss upon its face,
before it folds its fragrance in and bids the world goodnight
to rest its beauty in a gentler place.
But we know that nothing that is loved is ever lost
and no one who ever touches a heart can really pass away,
because some beauty lingers on in each special memory
of which they've been a part.

Today I found myself filled with sadness again. It is amazing how grief strikes you in waves, isn't it? I will have several good days and feel like I'm dealing with all the thoughts and emotions and then I smell a certain smell or hear a certain sound or think a certain thought and I'm right back in the middle of the confusion, the hurt, and the missing Kim. As I was folding laundry this morning I thought of Kim...perhaps because I was in Omaha the last time I really did laundry--scary, I know. (Truly we were not wearing dirty clothes, we just have a lot of them!) My mind took me back to a time long ago when someone else I knew passed away young. This poem was on the card I sent to his wife and it always struck me as beautiful, so I thought I'd share.
Honestly when this hit me today I thought "Oh God, not today, I have too much to do!!" I need to go see our insurance agent to get our new car covered, I need to call the cat vet to get the ball in motion again for him to be "deported," I need to finish these 5 loads of laundry, I need to do some baking and cooking, I need to clean my house, and I would like to spend some time relaxing, too! But first, I need to spend some time with my Bible and with God.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Do vs. Wish

We had such a nice weekend with Craig's parents. It felt so good to be together. Now it is Monday and as I am reflecting back on the past 4 days I keep thinking. Maybe too much. We kept busy, we talked about happy memories of Kim, we played the Farming Game (beginner's luck caused me to lose to the 2 newbies), we shopped, walked, laughed, loved, cried, and started thinking. This is the way life is now. A reality I wish wasn't so. If only it were as simple as making wishes. Wishes that Kimmi was still here. Wishes that more could have been done to restore her. Wishes that she had been born healthy. Wishes that this all didn't hurt so much. Wishes...
On the other hand, my selfish wishes would be disaster. They would mean that I, not God, was in control. I can't even consistently keep my house clean--how would I manage all of these difficult things? I know that if I could have any wish I wanted come true at any time, life would not be anything like it is today. Madison is such an important, beautiful, rewarding part of my life that I would not now trade for anything, but the difficulties that were imposed upon Craig and I during the early days of our marriage would certainly have been wished away. It would have been easier and felt better in the moment to not have to deal with all of the hurt and frustration but in retrospect it all made our relationship even better than we could have imagined. What would I have wished away?
I guess where I am going with this is that I need to stop. Stop the wishes, stop the need to know, stop the fighting against what God has planned and just surrender once again. Surrender the need to understand and control back to God's plan. He knows what is best for me and will continue to reveal His plan in His time...not mine. All I need to do is surrender. Finally...something that I can DO and trust in instead of WISH and wonder.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

What a fun couple of days. My weekend of fun started on Thursday when I went to Cedar Falls to see Jen. What a great day. We didn't do much--ate lunch (at a restaurant where they will place your forks in the proper place if you don't get it right :)), went for a walk, sat around and talked, and went out to eat with her beautiful daughter, Cheyenne. It was wonderful. I've missed her so much! I got home just in time to throw the clean sheets on the guest bed, tidy up a bit, and run the vacuum over the carpets as Craig's parents came later in the evening.
On Friday Craig, his parents, Maddie and I went to Chicago for the day. We enjoyed the downtown area, took Madison to American Girl Place where we senselessly bought her doll (our "grandchild") a new outfit and a new bedding set. When we left the store 1 1/2 hours later and $60 poorer we walked out by the lake and froze! It was sooo cold. Once we left the downtown area we went to IKEA ;) , out for dinner, and home. It was a nice trip.
This morning (Saturday) Craig pulled me aside and asked what my thoughts were on buying a new car. After coming to again and removing the ice pack from my head I realized that he was serious. We spent the afternoon at the Honda and Toyota dealerships. The deals right now are incredible! We didn't buy anything, but decided that the '09 Corolla is what most closely meets our needs right now. Maybe Monday....
Now we have a chicken in the oven and will make some cupcakes and salads tonight to take to a potluck at my sister's tomorrow for my cousin's baby shower.
What a fun-filled, family-filled, travel filled weekend.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Day away

Today I am going to treat myself. I am going to drive to see my best friend from "home." Jen and I grew up together--elementary, Jr High, and Highschool. After highschool we kind of drifted apart, but we have one of those friendships that, when we see eachother, time and distance fade away and we find ourselves as the same old good friends from long ago. I haven't seen her now for about 4 years--can that be right? (Shame on me!) I have no idea what we are going to do, but I know that it will involve a good long catch-up time.
I have so many other things that I should be doing today. Craig's parents are coming for the long weekend and should arrive around 10 tonight with Maddie. I am so looking forward to spending some time with them without the stress of hanging out in the hospital or planning for arrangements. We've got some fun stuff planned. My house is not at all in the shape that I would like it to be in for company, but in my defense I have not been here much! I will at least throw some clean sheets on the guest bed and do a courtesy clean up of the new coughed up hairball (thanks, kitty) that I found this morning.
So much to look forward to...so little time!
I am so thankful that I finally made it through my work week and am now in my 7 day off stretch. Ahhh. Life is good...

Monday, March 16, 2009

Vacation me please!!

I need a vacation. I want to go somewhere warm, feel the sand between my (in need of a good pedicure) toes, to feel the sun warm my (in need of a good tan) pale skin and to feel the vibrance of a tropical sunset.
We've planned on a vacation this summer with Madison--going to DC to see some of the national landmarks--but I'm just not feeling it. Everything seems to have changed now. I don't want to go somewhere and dash from place to place trying to defy land speed records and take in as many tourist traps as possible. I want to spend time with my family. Connecting. Appreciating. Relaxing. Laughing. Loving. Making memories that matter.
What to do. Where to go. How much to spend. Fly or drive. Maybe the destination doesn't matter so much, afterall, to make it real. It just takes the love of my life and husband, (they ARE the same person, you know!), my Maddie, and me. Family together. Maybe we can have a vacation next weekend. Right here. At home...

Friday, March 13, 2009

Note to self.

Dear self,
Please do not let yourself have another day of work like today. It is not good for any of your personalities. These are some things that you may want to avoid in the future.
1. When the stockroom calls you, do not take them seriously. When they tell you that the cart has a sign on it that says "locked--could not restock" ask if they tried opening it before going to see for yourself that it never was locked. Do not underestimate the depths people will go to to avoid doing their work.
2. Do not drop the glass vial of lidocaine on the floor. It will break and you will have to hunt down another vial--not to mention the issue of glass on the floor.
3. Quit avoiding the yummy cookies in the cafeteria. They make you so happy.
4. Don't ever get the seafood salad again...you are disappointed every time.
5. "The Palace" will always call late in the afternoon and have an "emergent" line that needs to be placed. Get used to it.
6. Instead of getting frustrated when a line doesn't go in just right relax and appreciate how boring life would be if we were all exactly the same. It sounds good in theory, anyway.
7. And finally...quit trying to stop drinking soda. It tastes so good and isn't THAT bad for you. Just no more than 1 per day, Okay?
Thanks for listening.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Back to work--changed

Today was my first day of work (at work anyway) in three weeks. In some ways I can't believe that it has been that long, but in others it has seemed a lot longer. I was a little nervous because I haven't started an IV for so long, but I got 3 PICC lines and 5 peripheral caths all on the first stick. I must be good. :)
Work is a difficult place for me to be right now after being on the "other side" of the healthcare fence with the situation with Kim. I was (and still am to some extent) so frustrated at the lack of communication between the doctors in Omaha. One would say one thing and then someone would come in behind him and say nearly the exact opposite. Having the clinical background that I do, I was able to decipher that when a neurosurgeon says "everything looks good" from their standpoint that means that there is nothing to operate on, not necessarily that there is no brain damage. However, I saw Craig's family get hurt time and again by all this, because for a family searching for signs of hope "everything looking good" is ALWAYS a good thing. This went on for several days and, honestly, it burned me out. Made me not want to return to work, and and made me wonder if I perpetuate this problem with patients that I am asked to see. I fully believe in being optimistic about the best possible outcome, but also realistic about the possibility that things may not turn out the way we want.
So, what have I learned from all of this? In order for me to keep my sanity--at work anyway--I will continue to educate educate educate my patients about their disease process, answer their questions honestly, and encourage integrity between the layers of staff. This is something that I have always strived for at work, but now am just tuned in a little tighter, because I don't want anyone to have to go through the confusion and roller coaster of emotions that our family was placed on in the last two weeks.
AAHHH. It feels so good to vent!!

Monday, March 9, 2009


On Tuesday it will be 2 weeks since I've been home. I don't necessarily feel homesick. I know where I need to be, but there are things that I've really been missing lately. Here are a few.

~I miss my church. I have talked with a few people from church, but today I really just wanted to be home to worship. I need to let God infuse my freshly drained soul. I tried to fill the need by taking a nice long drive this afternoon and crank the radio with some good praise music followed by a quiet time but it just didn't do it for me. I want to see my friends there and just get completely refilled . I need that.
~I miss my bed. I have been sleeping well, but not like I sleep at home. I hear different house noises here and a little dog barking in the mornings sometimes. This morning I was even awaked by what I thought was a kung fu match in the living room. Turns out that Bob ate something that didn't agree with him and had to puke. I've never heard anything quite like that and, as a nurse, many people have puked in front of me. Weird--that's what this morning was. I can't wait to get home and curl up in my own bed with my favorite pillow and just sleep.
~I miss work. Not really. I don't miss my job at all. I don't know why I wrote that.
~I miss my friends. Molly, Amanda, Brenda, Jen, (I would miss you, too, Char if you hadn't ditched me and moved :) ). I miss you girls! It has been WAY too long since any of us have hung out! A girl's night is in order...soon!
~I miss the cat. There. It's official. I like the cat and I miss him. We won't, however, be replacing him when his quarantine process is complete.
~I miss the back yard. There is something about our backyard that I love. I can look out no matter what the season and find comfort there. We've only been in our house for 3 years, but it is a very "homey" home!
~I miss Los Agaves. I have had a hankering for some good authentic Mexican lately and Los Agaves is the best. yummy.
~I miss the Biggest Loser. I have missed 2 consecutive episodes. I really want to catch up on that.
~I miss Craig. It's not that I haven't seen him, it is just that our relationship has been hurried and rushed since this all started. I want to just sit and talk about everything. I miss him.
~I miss home.

Kimmi Pics.

I have been wanting to post some pictures of Kim, but had some technical and logistical difficulties for a while. Here she is.... This was taken when Kim was out celebrating her 27th birthday last June. Kimmie knew how to have a good time and loved anything out of the ordinary.
This is an oldie but goodie. Not sure when or where this was taken, but I believe that it was shortly before her second transplanted kidney failed.

This was from Christmas 2005. It was always so hard to get a good picture of Kimmie because, due to her cystinosis, she had photophobia and would 95% of the time blink when her picture was being taken.

Close of a chapter.

For about the last two weeks I have been covering the blessings and challenges that we have encountered while dealing with Kim's hospital stay and passing. It was my pleasure to keep everyone informed on how things were going and ease some of the burden from my Bob and Evelyn's shoulders. I realize that posts about Kim drew a large new crowd of followers. My blog had some 1100 new hits in the last two weeks, which is great. I am glad to know that so many of you were concerned about Kimmie and what was going on with her. I have certainly felt the strength of those prayers empowering through the last few days.
I've enjoyed creative writing for a long time and use "My Random Thoughts" to express my thoughts and feelings on some issues. It is my intention to go back to my regular nonsense in a short time. While there may be occasional posts about Kim, for the most part the journey is complete.
Feel free to continue to follow if you want, but prepare for a little bit of crazy from time to time!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Tribute to Kim

This is rather long, but gives just an idea of who my sister in law, Kim, was. It was read at her funeral earlier today. As I update this I am at my husband's parent's home with a room full of extended family. They asked me if I was updating my blog. I said no. But then it sounded like a good idea....

To say that Kim was integral part of our family is an understatement. These last few days as we’ve been attempting to fathom the passing of our daughter, sister and friend we have been struck with so many fun memories and things that made Kimmie unique. Although this is just a tip of the iceberg, these are a few of the special memories that we would like to share.

Kim loved her little dog Millie. Rumor has it that she had her eye on a new puppy friend for Millie and was in the process of preparing her sales pitch to her parents. The vastness of Millie’s wardrobe, thanks to Kim, is amazing. Kimmie was often teased about her obsession with buying things for her dog, but that was just one way she showed her love. She loved seeing people happy and would always do whatever she could to help out, even though it came at a price for her as she was often exhausted after a short time.

There were many things that Kim felt strongly about—most of them involved helping others. She was an advocate for Organ donation, had donated her hair to Locks of Love, and contributed to the forum for the Cystinosis Foundation. Kim presented herself as tough, but had a heart that was tender and easily hurt by people that misunderstood her condition. Kim also had a soft spot in her heart for children. She loved to babysit as her health allowed and dreamed of having a child of her own.

Kim was one that always wanted her meals eaten at the table, especially when her brothers were home. She was the one that would always mash the potatoes—it was her specialty. After everyone was seated it wouldn’t be long before Kimmie started to reveal the most recent drama in her life…how many times she got pulled over that week, how her parents favored Rob and Craig, or any other situation that she had found herself in or could make up on the fly. Eventually we’d all hear the story again about how Craig was supposed to be babysitting her one day and she’d accused him of putting too much salt in her Mac ‘n Cheese. In retaliation for her complaint, she claims that Craig tied her to a rocking chair and set her on the workbench in the garage for Evelyn to find when she came home. There was never a dull moment at the dinner table with Kimmie and her ability to somehow liven up the time together was unique and sometimes distasteful. When we ate out Kim was almost always given a kid’s menu without asking, which was fine with her because that’s what she liked to order off of, anyway.

Kim’s Driving was another issue. Kim volunteered to drive sometimes, and those offers were quickly met by a “no, thank you.” Due to her eyes not tolerating light well, Kim squinted a lot while driving and tended to turn her head away from the road. Therefore curbs and One-Way signs were sometimes overlooked. Her small size also tended to get her pulled over fairly often. In the last two weeks Kim hit a skunk, drove into an automatic carwash backwards, and even navigated Evelyn to drive down the wrong way of a one-way street.

As a child Kim and her friends came up with quite a few get rich quick schemes. She’d do knitting, crocheting, koolaid stands, selling flowers from the neighbor’s yard, and even talked Evelyn into buying her bags of candy to sell at school under the guise of raising funds for the “Kidney Foundation,” which padded her pockets a bit. Something must have worked because she had more bottles of fingernail polish than Wal-Mart.

Despite Kimmie’s frequent hospital visits, doctor’s appointments, dialysis, and surgeries she never complained. She did what she had to do to deal with her condition. Things were not easy for her. Kim had two kidney transplants, open heart surgery and countless other surgeries and procedures. She fought for her life more times than many of us could even imagine. Kim would selflessly hide how bad she was really feeling to keep others from worrying about her. She had recently written on her wall on Face book that “Love is not measured by counting the years, but by making the years count” and did she ever make those years count.

The weekend before she went in to the hospital for the last time, Kim told her best friend that she was relieved. She knew that she was going to heaven and she’ll be waiting for her and that she would ask Jesus to save a place for her. Ten days later Kim smiled as she realized that she was back home in her own house. Although her time left at home with us in this life was short, we were blessed to see our daughter, sister, and friend go to sleep peacefully in her own bed to wake up in the arms of Jesus in Heaven.

We know that the days ahead will be tough as we continue to mourn and grieve that Kim is no longer with us here. We do have the assurance, though, that she is in Heaven enjoying all of the luxuries that we can’t even imagine. She’s likely drinking all the water that she wants, admiring that sparkling crown and maybe mashing some potatoes.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

update to arrangements

OK. So today we took Evelyn shopping to find something to wear to the visitation and funeral. After lunch Bob and Evelyn, Rob and Jeni, and Craig and I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. It went pretty well. The next stop was the cemetary to pick out a burial plot. We looked at 2 different places and found the perfect resting place for Kim. Not too loud, not too quiet, well maintained and easy to find under a nice big tree. The final stop for the afternoon was the church to plan the service, which went very well.
The only problem that we had was with the burial time. Due to circumstances as they be, we are unable to bury Kim after her funeral on Friday. The burial will be Saturday morning at 10:00. We will meet at the funeral home again at 0930 to begin the procession to the cemetary. All are welcome, but not expected to attend. Dress is CASUAL (jeans are great, folks!) Wear something that you would wear to the mall with Kim--we think that she'd like that.
Sorry for the confusion and late notice....thanks for understanding.

Dates and Places

There is so much to do. Jeni and I took Evelyn out today to look for an outfit for the visitation and funeral. We've listened to music, shed some tears, laughed a little and tried to comfort eachother. This experience is just still so surreal.

The visitation will be Thursday from 3-8 with the family present from 6-8 at Westlawn-Hillcrest 5701 Center St. Omaha 402.556.2500. The Funeral will be Friday at 10:30 at Glad Tidings Church at 7415 Hickory Omaha.

You can visit Kim's obituary at www.westlawnhillcrest.com It is not up yet, but should be later today.

For out of town travelers, we recommend the following hotels that have offered a special rate and are close to Glad Tidings church. All three hotels have plenty of availability and are located next door to one another. Please let the hotel know that you are with the Riedel party to receive the discounted rate.

1. Homewood Suites, 7010 Hascall Street, Omaha, NE 68106, 402-397-7500
1 bedroom suite with pullout couch in the living room is $79.00, and a 2 bedroom suite with pullout couch in the living room is $109.00. Deluxe continental breakfast is included. No swimming pool.

2. Baymont Inn, 3301 S. 72nd Street, Omaha, NE 68124, 402-391-8129
Rooms with either 2 twin beds or 1 queen bed are available for $55.00. Deluxe continental breakfast is included. No swimming pool.

3. Holiday Inn, 3321 S. 72nd Street, Omaha, NE 68124, 402-517-3076
This hotel has a water park and a wide variety of room options. Please contact the hotel to make arrangements.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A little Bling Bling on the side

Today, at around 4:45 p.m. Kim traded in her dialysis catheter for a pink crown of bling bling. No more pokes, no more hospitals, no more pain, no more dialysis, no more cystinosis, no more suffering, no more. Only Kimmi and Jesus walking hand in hand.

Please continue to pray for Bob and Evelyn and family and her special friends.
This morning we learned that the EEG done yesterday showed very little brain activity. Given the CAT Scan that showed diffuse brain damage, the EEG, Kim's minimal responsiveness, and her other health conditions, Bob and Evelyn made the most difficult decision to stop all interventions and focus on Kim's comfort. She came home around 2:30 today and is receiving Hospice care in her home. Kim looks comfortable. All of those bothersome tubes are out of her body--except for her dialysis catheter, which will only be used to give pain medication.
She's back in her OWN room, surrounded by her OWN family, her 2 best friends, and--of course--Millie, her beloved dog.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Skunks and Coconuts

Kim had another uneventful night. They're doing an EEG this morning to check the electrical activity in her brain. This should show us her ability to recover or lack thereof. Hopefully we don't have to wait too long for results! This process of waiting and not knowing is wearing on everyone. Bob and Evelyn are doing well considering the circumstances. Their hearts are breaking and that is so hard to watch. I can't imagine being in their shoes in this process. Kim has been through so much and they are determined not to let her suffer. Nobody wants to let Kim go, but it is also known that Kim would not want to spend her life connected to medical equipment and not being able to participate in her surroundings. No easy answers, that is for sure! We are looking forward to meeting tomorrow with docs from neurology, cardiology, and nephrology to consider her OVERALL situation, instead of system by system. Please pray that this meeting brings peace of mind for Bob and Evelyn as they consider their options.
This blog has been pretty dreary lately, so I'm also going to post something else we've been contending with this week...still related to Kim, but more lighthearted.
I took Kim's car to Wal-Mart last night to pick up some things. A few days before this all started Kim hit a skunk that had evidently spent the last 3 weeks perfecting its concentrated brew of perfume. Her car was well anointed. A carwash didn't help. There was some concern that perhaps that the remains of Flower ("you can call me flower if you want to") were hanging out under the car somewhere. The problem is it has been chilly...actually downright cold, and any carcas would be frozen to be as hard as a cement hippopotamus. (that one's for you, Neeter!) It would not smell. Anyway, while coming back from the store and enjoying the fresh blend of the coconut airfreshener and skunk, I heard a thud. Maybe, just maybe, the little critter released his frozen grip from his hiding spot and kissed the road. Or else a snow booger broke free. Either way the car still stinks. I am hereby announcing that whenever the combined scent of skunk and coconut finds me again I shall think of Kim and she will be honored.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The ride goes on.

Here we are again sitting in the waiting room trying to absorb one more twist in the road. A little good news, but the ups and downs are so taxing. The neuro surgeon came back today and painted a little different picture. She was encouraged by Kim's eye movement this morning and planted a seed of hope. They're doing dialysis this morning and Kim is tolerating it well. She's scheduled for an EEG in the morning.
Hope. It sure sounds a lot better than devastation.


Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you--the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm--he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
We learned last night that Kim had told her good friend last weekend that although she was still worried about having the fistula surgery last Tuesday, she was at peace. Peace because she knew she was going to heaven and would wait for her friend there. What a blessing to be assured that no matter what happens we too can feel that peace.
I woke up this morning wishing. Wishing that I would have spent more time getting to know Kim. Wishing that I could hear her click her tongue ring around in her mouth--the sound that used to annoy me so much. Almost hearing her slow, steady footsteps traipsing around on the kitchen floor...the size 2 brown tennies with the 3" thick sole that made her feel a little more the height that she wanted to be...and wishing that I could find Kim in the kitchen making those stinky dog treats that she was making the last time we were here. Wishing that this little dog of hers would quit staring at me with those big black sad eyes as I type this. Wishing this wasn't all happening and that I could stop all of these crazy tears. But most of all, wishing for a miracle...