God is always working to make His children aware of a dream
that remains alive beneath the rubble of every shattered dream,

a new dream that
when realized will release a new song, sung with tears,

till God wipes them away
and we sing with nothing but joy in our hearts

--Larry Crabb

Saturday, March 23, 2013


  • Blame it on baby brain.  Blame it on poor sleep habits.  Blame it on whatever you want, but the fact is I can't put sentences together for anything these days.  Here's a peek into my world.  Matter of fact, I just bullited this paragraph and don't know how I did it, or more importantly how to undo it, so this post just is what it is.
  • Tonight we got Lauren her Easter dress.  I love it and she didn't want to take it off so I think she loves it too.  She is definitely a girly girl.  She watches me put makeup on in the morning, then demands my brushes so she can do the same, but only after she asks me to put lotion on her face. It's pretty cute.  And scary.
  • Baby Riedel is showing more and more signs of being ready to make its grand entrance.  Without going not detail, I will just say that things are changing and I don't think it will be much longer.  Carrying this one has been relatively easy, and I can't wait to hold him/her in my arms, BUT I'm dreading the time between carrying and holding.  Enough said.
  • Today two of my good friends threw me a baby shower.  It was a mix of people from the parenting and MOPS groups that I am involved in.We had lunch, opened gifts, and just hung out.  It was wonderful and I feel so blessed that I am friends with each one of them.
  • Craig is amazing.  He dealt with a very crabby little girl all day so I could enjoy this time with my friends.  L decided that 2:30 would be a great time to start the day and refused to nap.  It was ugly.  This falls on the heels of yesterday when he was nominated to clean up a steamy surprise that L left in the shower.  In all fairness, I tried on three occasions to take care of it but could not stop gagging.  Amazing, I tell you!
  • We are now mini van owners.  I like it, but it makes me feel old.  It has heated leather seats, which is nice, but the controls for them are hard to reach when a one month pregnant belly is in  your way of bending over.  I cried when Craig drove our CR-V away for the last time.  Love that car!
That's it.  I'm tired and that s all the news that is coming to mind.  Soon, I will have exciting news that I can't wait to share! G'nite.

Saturday, March 9, 2013


Three years.  In some respects it seems so much longer ago, but in others merely moments, really.  I remember it so clearly.  I was laying in a hospital bed surrounded by amazing nurse and a midwife who earned so much respect in the days that bracketed that moment.  My tiny baby boy's little heart was beating its final beats and all became still within me.  I knew he was gone but refused to confirm until Craig could be by my side.  He was stuck in Alabama for the night and would arrive just before noon the following day.  My mom was with me, but our words were few.  How could this be happening?  It had only been six months before that we lost dad in his tragic accident, and one year since Kim died.  How old this baby that had become a symbol of hope during such tough times be taken as well?

Craig arrived the next day and my guard finally fell.  I collapsed in his arms and begged him to just hold me forever.  Later in the day we had an ultrasound. The Doctor's face is frozen in my memory as her eyes focused on the screen, scanning for the tiny flicker that meant life.  There was none.  The silence of the room spoke volumes.

I chose to deliver our baby rather than have a procedure to remove it.  From the second I saw him there was an odd mix of emotion created within me that has never left.  I became a mom, but one with a baby who didn't ever take his first breath.  He didn't need me, but I needed him so very much.  There was so much raw pain in my heart, and as Craig and I held each other, we made a promise.  Our family's journey would not--could not--end in this place.  We would somehow have another child someday and tell them the story of their big little brother, Christopher Job.

I never would have imagined that three years later we would be parents to a very healthy and very loved almost two year old little Lauren and a few weeks away from a new baby joining out family.  God has been so gracious to us.  We are greatly blessed, indeed, but have not forgotten our sweet firstborn.  We will never forget.

Tomorrow, I'll go through the box of memories we have from that day.  I'll look at the pictures and smell the little hat that he wore...hoping that I can still smell the baby oil he was bathed in.  I'll fall in love all over again with my little Christopher Job whose time with us ended far too soon, and I'll celebrate the day that I held him.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift we named Christopher Job and for allowing us to be his parents.  And thank you for walking with us through those difficult moments and bringing us to a place of healing.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul. Worship His holy name!  Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes!

Monday, March 4, 2013

Just refrain, please.

There are a few things that pregnant women do not want to hear or be asked.  Usually if someone makes such an error one can hold back.  Unless you are my husband, which none of you are.  Poor Craig has said "whoa" or "whoops" a few too many times under his breath lately.  I want to be nice, but my honest thoughts just escape through my lips these days.  He's learning, though.

Today, I nearly asked the med tech at the OB office whether she never took the therapeutic communication 101 class in college or whether she did take it and failed.

Usually at my Monday morning appointments I see the doctor first and then have a non stress test.  Today they did the NST first.  Not a big deal.  As the tech was wrapping the belts around my 34 1/2 week pregnant belly she blurted out "it is getting harder and harder to reach around here."  I laughed. A VERY fake laugh and wanted to rip her hair out.  I know my belly is getting bigger and I'm fine with that, but her comment was just stupid.  I wanted to, but refrained from saying "Oh yes.  It was definitely was not as much fun for me when someone could put the bands on without having their nose in my belly button."  Seriously, I had to bite my tongue.

So my twenty minutes passed and I was taken back to the exam room, where the barrage of normal questions were fired.  Last, but not least, she asked how I was feeling.  I'm tired of downplaying how miserable this head/chest cold has made me feel.  So I told her that baby-wise I felt fine except for tons of low pressure when I cough, but overall, I feel like a slime truck has emptied into my nose and chest.  It has been two weeks since I started feeling crappy.  It gets a little better for a day or two, then comes back with more intensity.  The last three nights, I have not been able to sleep because I have been in this cough til I puke, can't breathe, and need to pee cycle. Then come the contractions and leg cramps.  By this point, I am nearly in tears because I am so sick of it.  The tech turns from the computer and proceeds to tell me that she knows just how I feel because her husband has had a cold for three weeks and recently had rotator cuff surgery. Does she not realize that it s all about ME?  Hello? I'm pretty sure if all this coughing keeps up a baby is going to come flying either out of my lungs or where it is supposed to come out of any moment.  Can her husband say that?!?

I gave her the silent treatment.  On her way out the door, she patted my shoulder and told me that she hopes I feel better before delivery--Gee thanks...that buys me a projected 5 weeks to get over it--and then went on to say that her daughter recently delivered a baby while she had a bad cold, and it was a horrible experience.  Then the baby got sick and had to be in the NICU for a few days. Wonderful warm fuzzy thoughts were everywhere! Puke.

Finally the doctor came in and suggested we do a few days of antibiotics to try to get this cleared up.  She was kind and assured me that even though she could tell I felt miserable, baby is fine, and all the crud is actually probably helping him or her to form a strong immune system.  I found myself near tears again, only happy tears this time.  The hormones of carrying a baby do that to you.  Crying happens very easily...whether it is the result of happiness, sadness, or frustration...there are tears!

The point of all of this?  If you can't say something helpful, just purse your lips.  If you can't do that, maybe an OB office is not the best fit for you.