God is always working to make His children aware of a dream
that remains alive beneath the rubble of every shattered dream,

a new dream that
when realized will release a new song, sung with tears,

till God wipes them away
and we sing with nothing but joy in our hearts

--Larry Crabb

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Why I am Thankful.

I am Thankful because:

  • There is a living, kicking, healthy baby being knit together under my heart.
  • My wonderful best friend and husband goes to work every day and then comes home to help me (or do for me) all the things that I shouldn't or can't do right now without complaint.
  • Our home is filled with love and often with laughter.
  • Francine Rivers is an incredible writer and has drawn me in not just to her novels, but to the living word of God. Her written words have compelled me to learn so much.
  • I don't have to worry where my next meal will come from.
  • I live in a country where men and women care enough to serve in the military to protect our freedoms.
  • I am able to take this season of my life to enjoy this pregnancy and do all I can do to ensure our baby's safety.
  • I have been given true and sincere frienships. Friends that have been there to celebrate joys and mourn losses and honor God through both. (sometimes all even in the same day!)
  • Grace. Pure and simple.
  • Thanksgiving is coming to us. Craig's parents will be here in less than a week and the grocery store is providing the prepared meal. Sa-Weet!
  • We finally found a local Mexican restaurant that compares to Los Agaves.
  • Our sweet Christopher Job brought refreshed purpose and meaning to our lives in the short time he was with us.
  • Most stores offer gift cards, which make Christmas gifts possible this year.
  • Our home is warm on these cool fall nights.
  • A new friend has come into my life and given me fresh perspective on so many things I thought I was alone in dealing with.
  • Our car didn't sustain too much damage when I accidently shut it in the garage door, and Craig didn't get mad when I fessed up about it. Note to self: Use parking break on the manual shift. Oops!
  • Craig's job (and my lack thereof) allow us to travel home for Christmas without having to hurry back to go to work.
  • My Maddie girl is doing great and loving her first year of Jr High...the turkey pulled straight A's! (Um? Can someone tell me how it is possible that she is in Jr. High?)
  • There is peace in my soul. Sometimes I have to wade through insecurities and questions to get to it, but it is always there.

This is just the start. Why are YOU thankful?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

This Day

This is the day that:

A co-worker of Craig's is being laid to rest and, although I didn't know him personally, I know that his family and young children loved him very much and their hearts are breaking. I'm remembering the day that we had to say goodbye to my dad and how very hard that was.

A good friend is celebrating the fact that she is pregnant but also in fear that she may have to face loss once again. I'm remembering the day that we learned I am pregnant again excited yet so filled with anxiety about whether or not we'll get to bring our baby home this time.

Another good friend is mourning the loss of her precious son and wondering what the future holds. I'm remembering the days of holding our little still Christopher and wondering where we go from there.

And this is the day that the Lord has made. I'm remembering how great it is to be filled with peace that the Lord has sent my way.

Life is so hard sometimes and many things happen that our minds just cant understand, but there is One who does hold all of our concerns in his scarred hands and will heal our hurts, calm our anxieties, and give us hope and a future...another good friend of mine.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


These are titles of books that I have contemplating writing in my plethera of downtime. Vote on your favorite under "comments." Anyone have any other ideas?

Babies and Bladders; a study of the antogistic relationship.

Pillows. How many is too many?

Memoirs of a Once Half Decent Belly Button.

Red, Yellow, Orange, and Green; the order of natural selection for Sour Patch Kids

Yes, Dear, I Love You; What every husband of an expectant mother should know to say.

Sciatica; What a pain!

I Roll My Eyes Because I Love You; a husband's guide to understanding the body language of his pregnant wife.

Pants? Seriously? Is it really necessary to wear them to the doctor's office? What's the point?

Toothpaste: A Mama-To-Be's Worst Enemy.

My Hair! Why Does It Feel Like Straw?

Classical Music and Sugar. How to give your baby the wiggles.

Aisle 9, Lingerie and Maternity. A guide to finding maternity clothes in department stores. (Seriously, why are these two grouped together? I mean, yes, there is a potential cause and effect relationship, but....really?!?!)

Ultrasounds. A once every 2 week experience where a mom gets overly excited to see how uncooperative baby can be.

Short Term Memory. And how to deal with its absence.

Hormones. Mine are in check, what's wrong with yours?

The Pants With the Secret Panel. A woman's vow to never wear them...until she realized just how comfortable they are.

From Cool to Cow. A journey through pregnancy.

Master Bathrooms; Why they were REALLY invented.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Silverware at Six

I woke up around 0600 unable to breathe through my nose and thinking about silverware. Not just any silverware, but my mom's silverware. It wasn't so much the utensils themselves as the way in which they were acquired.

It was shortly before Christmas 2008. I was in E-Ville babysitting my 4 year old niece for the day when Dad called. He knew that I had to go to Des Moines later in the day to pick up Maddie and wondered if I wanted to go early. He needed to get new glasses and get a gift for Mom. 45 minutes later I had Anna packed in the car with enough activities to keep her busy for a while and met Dad in the Wal-Mart parking lot. We took back roads all the way to Des Moines while he pointed out the borders of what used to be my grandpa's farmland and who lived where. We made small talk as he navigated me through small towns eventually leading to the vision center. Anna had fallen asleep in the car, so I waited in the car with her while Dad went on in to start the eye exam.

A few minutes later Anna woke up and we joined Dad in the store. The exam was complete and he was looking for frames. Any of you who know my dad know that he didn't necessarily just try on frames that he was perhaps interested in purchasing, but anything that would generate a laugh or make him look ridiculous. At on point, he had put his hat on crooked, removed his partial plate from his mouth, placed them in his shirt pocket, and applied some bulky black glasses. He thought it would be so fun to take those home and tell mom that this was his "new look." I just so happened to have my phone camera handy. Dad happily obliged to have his picture taken to memorialize his moment of coolness.
After selecting more appropriate frames, we headed back to the car where it was discovered that I had left my lights on. The battery was flat. Dad laughed, which he often did at the small mishaps of life. He found someone to give us a jump and we were on our way to the mall for lunch and a little shopping. The silverware caught Dad's eye and he selected a set he liked for Mom for Christmas. We took Anna to Build-A-Bear, picked up Maddie and headed for home.

Oh what I wouldn't do for another day like that with my dad. A day to just talk about whatever came to mind and spend time together. Little did I know that that would be the last time we would take to have a spontaneous outing. More or less that our last Christmas together was just around the corner. In those days it seemed like we still had forever. The thought of him not being around for a long time yet had never even crossed my mind.

As the holidays approach again this year I challenge myself to make moments count. Moments that may seem insignificant at the time--something as simple as silverware shopping--may all be reduced to memories all too soon when those we love are no longer with us. It's one of the many things I have learned through this painful journey of loss. Sometimes I wonder how long missing him will hurt. Maybe forever. It is what I do with this still hurting still longing heart that makes the difference between honoring him and bearing a burden, and I only hope that I can continue to find ways that it can be a vessel of change to form a more appreciative, more attentive, more loving me.