The worst day of my life...

Writing is my outlet. It helps me understand my thoughts and emotions. It helps me feel more connected with God. It forces me to put some of my thoughts into words. I wouldn't normally post anything so personal, but I feel like sharing. Here's a little peek into my thoughts...

The searing pain of loss is so fresh on my heart I can't even pretend to compose myself at times. Less than two weeks ago on Saturday, September 12, 2009 my life was completely turned inside out. What started off being a boring Saturday afternoon ended up being what is the worst day of my life to date. My mom called and I knew instantly from the sound of her voice that what she had to say could not be good. After about 15 seconds on the phone I learned that my dad was pinned under a tractor and the paramedics could not find a pulse. I knew at that instant that he was gone. The only words I could say were "NO and NOT MY DADDY!" My head fought with my heart trying to convince me that there had been a big mistake, but in my heart, I knew.
We gathered up the essentials for a nights stay and rushed the 2 hours and 15 minutes home. Craig is not one to speed and I was thankful that he was rational because I most certainly was not. We had to stop for gas and it seemed to take an eternity to pump. As we continued on our way we got caught up in conversation and somehow missed our exit. I was almost glad in a way because I didn't want to face reality. My sister called and said that they had taken my dad's lifeless body from the farm, and that everyone was meeting at the house. When we finally got there I hugged my mom and just cried, then found my sister sitting on the steps. We sat there and cried and hugged and shared our disbelief. How could my dad be gone? I need him. He had so much life to live yet. I felt weak and like I had just been beaten down. Craig left to pick up Maddie in Osky and I worried about his safety. I moved into the family room and began to talk with my aunts and uncles that had also arrived. I found my brother and hugged him. Out of instinct I looked around for my dad, but, of course, he wasn't there. The thought of it made me literally sick to my stomach.

To be continued....(when I am not in desperate need of some serious sleep)...