One more time.

Dear Dad,

Oh how I wish that we cold sit down face to face. I have so many questions for you. So many things I never took the time to ask when I had the chance. I miss you so much. Tonight is another one of those nights where I am laying in bed trying to sleep with no luck. I keep thinking about life and how it has changed so much in the last 3 1/2 weeks. I see pictures of you in my head constantly as I try to sleep. You standing there against the gate looking out to the cows in the pasture, one foot up on the 3rd rung from the bottom. You blading off the driveway in your big red tractor last winter--you know, when you totally ruined our good sledding hill, right after all of the sled tracks had been made. You looking me in the eye and asking "are you ready?" just before walking me down the aisle at my wedding. And then comes the pictures of the last few weeks. The image that I never saw but somehow created in my mind of the accident scene. The solemn look on your face during the visitation. The lack of smile and character. Oh dad.

I think that it may be starting to hit me a little bit that this is the way life is now. You're not coming back. The very thought brings tears to my eyes that cannot be stopped. This doesn't seem like the way it was supposed to be. You were supposed to be here when my children are born. You are supposed to be here for the family reunion next summer. And for Christmas. And for....everything.

I know that God has a plan in all of this. His plan is not to make me hurt and push me to my breaking point. My God is not like that. He WILL turn this, too, into good. But then part of my wonders how something that hurts so much could ever be good.

There is comfort in knowing that you're without a doubt in Heaven. Even if I had the power to bring you back, I couldn't do that to you. I know that you are so very happy where you are. It is crazy to think that your joy is in the midst of our great sorrow. I'm so happy for you, Dad. Really, I am. I just wish that you didn't have to leave us to attain it. And I wish that we could hear your voice and see your smile and hear your laughter and hug you just one more time.

With much love and a broken heart,
Mis