Only at the Fair

You know you may be pregnant at the fair when:

• You pass by booth after booth of fried food on a stick and the only thing that sounds remotely tempting is a Sprite.
• You cry when the Cowgirl Queen is crowned and does her final salute. Who cries (besides me) when someone rides a horse?
• You can much easier spend an afternoon in an air conditioned camper playing solitaire and watching a movie than scouring the fairgrounds for free stuff. It's FREE for crying out loud!
• Your feet feel like they're boiling from the inside out.
• The only events that sound tempting are held in the air conditioned buildings.
• A corndog, which has been a fair must have for the last 30 years, sounds repulsive. That is probably good, though, because you're not really supposed to have hot dogs when you're expecting according to the literature.
• The only food items that consistently sound blissful are ramen noodles and cantaloupe.
• You hurl yourself from booth to booth looking only for paper fans. Free, of course.
• You cry when the big bull is weighed in.
• Skin moisture changes make it virtually impossible to scrub off your tattoo passes from the last 3 days of the fair. I am sporting a hot dog, state of Iowa outline, and a blue ribbon as I type.
• When going from place to place you carefully refer to the maps of bathrooms everywhere in between.
• You take a 1/2 hour nap for every 2 hours spent walking.
• You barely refrain from completely going bezerk on the guy who tells you good morning and that his neighbors lost their house in a flood when you're walking to the shower house.
He didn't know that I don't like morning conversations.

• Public tooth brushing is an embarrassment. Toothpaste induces gagging which induces puking.
• Someone eating a turkey drumstick makes you nauseous when it used to make you hungry.
• You simply cannot breathe through your nose when wandering through a barn where any animal could be taking up temporary residence.
• You have invented solitaire version of every game you can find in the camper.

Now here it is nearly 3 months later and I would LOVE some fair food. Funnel cake, cheese curds, gizmo, tater ribbons, but especially a turkey drumstick. Sadly, all that my refrigerator has to offer is some vegetable beef stew or leftover lasagna. Once again I find myself wanting what I don't have...