All I have to be.

I've really had a lot of songs running through my head lately. Music, along with writing, is one of the ways I deal with stress. There is one song in particular by Amy Grant that sums it up for me. I first heard it several years ago when I was in college. During challenging times it tends to find its way back to the front of my brain and bring comfort to my soul. The blue are the words of the song. Black are my random thoughts.

When the weight of all my dreams. Are resting heavy on my head. Lord, I have dreams. Big dreams. I'm tired of dreaming. Ready for reality. Am I ready? And the thoughtful words of health and hope. Have all been nicely said. I've had so much support to follow all of my dreams. From family, friends, even strangers. I'll never forget one of my first patients, Walter. He had advanced Parkinson's disease and his body was failing around his intact mind. He struggled for about 5 minutes to say "Keep going, people like me need nurses like you." I've had so many Walters...so blessed. But I'm still hurting Why does it have to hurt so much? Why is there still a yearning and discontentment? When will relief come? Always wondering if I'll ever be the one I think I am. I think I am. I THINK I am Then you gently re-remind me. That calm, still voice from the inner depths of my soul. Is that You, Father? Of course it is. Help me not to doubt it when I hear it. That You've made me from the first. YOU made me. You understand. I was crafted and put together by Your hand. The same hand that crafted the mighty mountains made this little Iowa farm girl. Split ends, cellulite, and all. And the more I try to be the best, the more I get the worst. The best...what I think is best. My own ways, not yours. And I realize the good in me is only there because of who You are. Good. There is a lot of good in there. That is all a reflection of your grace. Who You are.... And all I have to be is what You've made me. Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan. I'd really prefer to trust Your plan as opposed to mine, thank you. Mine would be disaster! As you daily re-create me help me always keep in mind. Always being mindful. Always knowing. Always believing. That I only have to do what I can find. Why borrow tomorrow's worries? Today has enough of its own. And all I ever have to be. All I have to be. All I ever have to be is what you've made me. Yes, what You have made me. And help me to be content being me. Just as I am. As long as you're with me I really need not worry. Even if my dreams don't pan out, I know that You have good things in store. That's really all I need to know.