"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Today was among the toughest days of my life. Last night I had an ultrasound and saw our baby's heartbeat. As long as there was a heartbeat, there was life. Today Craig and I watched as that tiny heart lay still and silent. Craig held me tight as quiet tears gave way to uncontrolled sobs and wretching. Yet, somehow I felt a peace.
At 4:40 this afternoon our baby boy arrived. Although he never would get the chance to breathe his first breath he is perfect as can be. He has ten little fingers and toes and perfectly defined features. He weighed in at 5.3 ounces and 16 centimeters long. He was born with his tiny arms crossed on his chest. Truly amazing and beautiful. Holding this baby in my arms and telling him how loved he is and how proud I was to call him my son made it all worth it. All of the morning sickness, all of the pain, all the tears, everything. We have been so blessed.
Tomorrow morning we will have him baptized with water from the Jordan River--the same river water that Jesus was baptized in. His grandma and grandpa Riedel are on their way, and grandma Nieuwsma is here. Then, somehow, we'll say goodbye. I have no idea how to do that.
Sure, we are sad beyond measure, but at the same time know that this is all going to be OK. God has been so very good to us, even in this. Things could have been much worse. I am doing well and will probably be discharged tomorrow. Labor went quickly and without complications. We will get through somehow, and will count our blessings by these tiny little handprints--no bigger than my thumbnail that are forever imprinted on our hearts.
We have given him the name Christopher Job Riedel. Christopher after his daddy (that is Craig's middle name) and Job because Job endured many many struggles before his faithfulness to God was rewarded. Oh he's so beautiful.
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6 comments:
Oh, my heart aches with this news. I love the name you chose for your precious baby boy. Your words in this post are hopeful and inspiring, although full of very difficult sadness. I am so sorry Craig and Melissa. We will lift you up in prayer. -Michelle W.
so, so sorry! praying for you guys! - rachel joy
Missy, my heart wrenches at your loss. I can only imagine the feeling of holding Christopher in your arms. You're faith in the Lord is such a blessing and encouragement to me. Thank you for being open and vulnerable so we can all be a part of God's journey in your life. We will be praying for your family. Love you.
Oh friend! I've been out of touch and am soooooo sorry to read this!! You and Craig are in my prayers! Was it just Monday that you were telling me about feeling the baby move for the first time?? My heart goes out to you both! Love to you! Char
My heart aches for all that you are going through. Christopher Job is a beautiful name and so fitting. Thinking of you and praying for you.
He is beautiful indeed. The most beautiful angel I've ever seen. He is the most blessed baby boy, to have you and Craig as parents. He is most certainly in the arms of Jesus at this very moment. Love you guys so much.
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