Today

I am going to keep this short. Let me start by saying that God is good. All the time. Always.
Today I learned that this baby that I have been carrying and have learned to love so much will not survive. I have had some complications and was taken by ambulance to the hospital, where I will be until our baby is born. Craig is in Alabama and has booked the next available flight home, which will arrive at noon tomorrow. Mom is here with me. I have lost a lot of blood but have stabalized and am now comfortable. The doctor has warned that I could go into labor at any time, but I am really praying that that won't happen until Craig can be here.

I can't begin to put into words how I am feeling (perhaps because things haven't really set in yet). Heartbroken is a good start, though. I know that in this, too, God has a plan and His plan is not to watch us hurt, but (as Uncle Duane said at Dad's funeral) to turn this bad thing also into something good, just as He has already done for Dad...and for Kimmi....and soon for this baby.

Please don't think for a minute that this is all some cruel mistake. Nothing about this baby has been a mistake, and for the last 17 weeks it has brought so much joy to our lives. Although this is clearly not what we would have chosen, this is all part of our journey to becoming a family, and God is completely in control.

That's enough for now. I am exhausted and my body needs rest to face tomorrow. For tonight, I am resting in the knowledge that I will have the strength through grace to receive what I need for each moment. I can so clearly recall the view from the mountaintop between the valley of my dad's death and now this.

One last thought....I am comforted with the thought of knowing that this baby won't be going to a heaven full of strangers, but grandpa, some great grandparents, and an aunt who will be eager to care for it until its parents arrive.