That scary Tuesday--Part 1

..I was at home and talking to Craig on the phone. He was in Alabama at a logistics in engineering conference for work. My stomach was feeling exceptionally bloated. I felt some occasional minor cramps. Not a big deal. My abdomen had been rounding out and I was really starting to show. This being my first pregnancy, I thought that maybe it was just the ligaments stretching and causing a little discomfort. I at that point had lost over 20 pounds and had not worn maternity pants that day. Maybe my pants were just a little too tight...

I put Craig on hold and went to the bathroom. While there, I felt a little more pressure inside and felt a dropping sensation low in my belly. Hmmm. My instincts finally started to kick in. I told Craig what was going on and that I was going to call my Midwife. I told him I'd call him back as soon as I knew something and, as I have trained myself to do when something doesn't seem right, remained calm.

45 minutes later I left to drive the 6 blocks to the OB office. There wasn't a midwife there that day, so I would be seeing one of the doctors. That was A-OK with me. The waiting room was crowded and as I took a seat I became a little anxious. I had no idea why. I can only remember one other time in my life when I had anxiety...when I got the phone call about my dad's accident, the return of that memory just increased the anxiousness within me.

By the time I got to the exam room I knew I was in trouble. Over the course of the next 45 minutes I experienced the most excruciating pain that I have ever had. Pain that was not even defined to one area of my body, but everywhere. At one point I told the nurse that I needed to sit up. Big mistake. I sat for about 5 seconds before I started to pass out. The nurse helped me lay back down as darkness surrounded me. My arms and legs went numb and cold as my head and torso began to sweat profusely. It was another one of those moments that I wished I wasn't a nurse. I knew what was happening...I've seen it too many times. I had lost too much blood and was going into shock. My body was shutting down circulation to my legs and arms. This would conserve my blood supply in my head, chest, and abdomen allowing my vital organs to get what they needed. I was in trouble. I needed more help and quick or things could get really bad. My thoughts were clear and deliberate. I did the only two things that I could do at that point...I kept breathing and started to pray, knowing that the baby wasn't big enough to survive without me and wondering whether I was strong enough to survive without it. I remember being very specific with God. It was pretty much one of those "Here is the list of things I need from You, Lord. Thank you. Amen" That prayer definitely did not fit the A.C.T.S profile that I usually use, but I think that God understood that I need to get to the point! I prayed for four things: the baby to be OK, the pain to subside, the bleeding to stop, and for peace from the fear that had began to invade my soul. Within seconds, my mind had cleared, the pain was lifted, and the bleeding slowed. God is funny like that, but sometimes I wish that He didn't wait for me to ask! :) I was told that I had delivered. Devastated, I asked to see my baby to which the nurse said that it just looked like "a big blood clot and tissue." I'll never forget those words. I knew at that moment that she was incorrect (it turns out she WAS mistaken) I knew that the baby's body was fully formed and it should be about the size of my hand. It would be recognized among mass of tissue and clotting blood. My baby was still under my heart. I could just tell it...and I even thought I felt a little kicking, but with everything that had just happened I could not be sure. Finally, I had a quick chance to call Craig and ask him to get home ASAP.

The next thing I knew there were at least 8 people crammed into the tiny exam room. The room was 8 foot by 10 foot max and there were several nurses, a couple of doctors, 2 paramedics, a stretcher, an exam table, and me. No one but me had room to take a deep breath. My mind was clear again and I felt calm and peaceful. I thanked God for answering and prayed again that the baby would be ok.